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(sigh) Sep. 1st, 2005 @ 10:34 am
My mind is in three places.
and in each place i am a different person.
there i am,
self aware
full of desparation
and wondering if any of it fits together

here i am,
free spirited
but almost intimidated

hmmm i'm gonna have to come back to this one

...what am i gonna do?
Man, I'm: drunkdrunk
Tunes: my roommate is playing the most beautiful music right now

hunt hall baby! Aug. 21st, 2005 @ 09:57 am
mooooooooving in

moooooooooooooving in

what an amazing summer

ryan and canada

devin j, and the hazel park race track with "dad"

kathy and our adventures in kalamazoo

the strange days festival with d-z

stalking keener on the highways

corey....corey....corey, the 80s party

long jager filled nights with corey

i miss you godfather, much love

the angermanagement concert
the allman brothers


it has been an outrageous summer, and if i had to do it again i would have wrapped somethings up, lol. life is pretty damn funny sometimes. and good things come with time. i am entirely blessed to have corey back in my life and i will miss all the awesome friends i have made in these past 2 months. I am now up at NMU, hopefully my true friends will pay me a visit and get down and dirty with the nmu crowd. i can't wait to move in and meet all sorts of new crowds. i hope i have a blast and i hope my room doesn;t eat me alive. until i get my new crappy lappy i will not be updating...love to muh brohyms. keep it real, stay classy...

love always
Lauren Eleanor Epler
Man, I'm: ecstaticecstatic
Tunes: don't take the girl- tim mcgraw

dickish dude...I'M OVER IT Jul. 10th, 2005 @ 03:50 am
hmmm well...37 days till i leave. gant hall baby.

i met someone else. and made some mistakes with hot canadian pro hockey players. it was all in good fun though. i think maybe i found a good one, but who knows. right now i'm blindsided...you know...like usual.
I'm in a happy, and carefree mood, other than work tomorrow. oh well, fuck it. its my last summer as a kid. i kinda appreciate 17 right now, so much i don't even bother to lie about my age. i think i get teased more with preschool jokes, by the way i look. once again, loving this sweet little haze around my eyes...its making me all hopeful and shit. i guess i hope that...he really likes me and wants to thoroughly pursue me, cause i refuse to persue him.

eh thats enough for tonight i'm pooped..
Man, I'm: mellowmellow
Tunes: 112

Jun. 28th, 2005 @ 02:04 pm
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

This song seems to hit the nail right on the head. still hurts...kinda. i guess it just stinks that it didn't work out. I guess I'm over it I'm just still sort of disapointed. and alittle torn into pieces. I'll be alright, i just need a solid day of shopping, and the rec center. :)
Man, I'm: calmcalm
Tunes: behind these hazel eyes

Jun. 28th, 2005 @ 12:02 am
I just thought i'd steal this, cause its so damn pretty, thanks!

'Till the morning sun glows, so warm and bright
'Till darkness is lost, replaced by the light

'Till my soul is awakened, so pure and true
'Till next we speak, I'll be dreaming of you

'Till my dreams have ended, gone from my eyes
'Till they've vanished with the stars that filled the night sky

'Till the day is anew; darkness chased, and now gone
'Till nature sings to me its mute, rousing song

'Till my eyes see the shaping of a brand new day
'Till I stray from my bed, where so peacefully I lay

'Till then

Its Monday night, no wait its Tuesday morning, 12:03, i'm chomping down on gum with a radiant look on my face. I'm happy.

sunday night was amazing, the doors(of the 21st century) were aw-inspiring, i dance my butt off and sang along like a bird! the yardbirds reminded me of derek and the abandoned house, thoroughly incredible and steppenwolf was a geniwine crowd pleaser, i watched 2 stripper looking 30 year olds dance their tan little legs off. incredible, the whole concert was incredible, way to get all you old rockstars and fucking rock the house, "c-mon detroit"

"dickish dude" i'm over it.
i have dave, i have davey boy, i have chad and the fireworks on wednesday, i have casey to talk dirty with like old times, jon to envy, and now i have keener to have long chats online with and be left with "MORE TUNES" and hope of yet another incredible friend/person in my life.

i can make it, i don't need a guy, i don't need any bullshit, i just need myself, my oyster sauce, my sticky rice, my camera phone, my cd burners, my diet coke with splenda, my buddha queerbeast, my egyptian cotton pillow, my black purse, my heap of clothes, my blonde hair, and of course MORE TUNES!
...oh to be alive and standing at the edge of such a world. gazing...

i'm off to climb to my roof and look at the stars, yes! livonia has SOME stars
sweet dreams
Man, I'm: cheerfulcheerful
Tunes: magic carpet ride
Other entries
» (No Subject)
Your Summer Love Style is Sultry
You make a hot summer night just a little bit hotter.
For you, summer is all about letting go of any inhibitions.
You're not shy about getting what you want this summer - and lots of it.
Love is the last thing on your mind, but you'll have plenty to keep you busy.

i will not think about sex
i will not think about sex
i will not think about sex
i will not think about sex
i will not think about sex
i am thinking about sex right now

...1 week...
» music does wonders! cheaper than therapy ;)
...It makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter.

Where would I be with out kath-a-leen and tah-resa, I would be pathetic, extremely pathetic. Once again my close friend and very much more pulled a number on me, don't they all? but shit happens i guess.
shit happens.
and i suppose this is the same lesson with "alittle twist" fucking is not the answer, it boggles my mind and turns me farther down the road of being a driven nympho than anything else, oh and it makes me cry. For how mad i am in this moment, or how constructively PISSED i feel i still wanna fuck him, yes yes, i want some booty. i want some booty so bad i'm getting hungry eyes, if i could elivate this feeling from my life i probably wouldn't get my heart smashed as much as i do. because now, my fate is proven again, if the first thing you do is decided to "swoop in for the kill" expect to have your hands tied behind your back lauren, Especially if their good in bed, then you're done for. no fucking, absolutely no fucking till you've run the bases on different days and several occasion. muahdkjaflkjahfa ...i feel like a 16 year old BOY. make it go away. god damnit !! or you, YOU come groveling back and we can ...disturb the night AA-gaain, and again. so now you see my dilema...perhaps sarahs answer was right, but sadly i'm a hopeless romantic/(SLASH)nympho....a deadly combination. all those interesting in swooping me off my feet and furthermore on every occasion, apply within.

goodnight, a sleepless, sexless lonely night, once AA-gain.
» I think i fell onto some sharp rocks
Yes! Yes! I realize now why so many people liked Chris Carraba...When you have the last bit of your light shot out his music kind of gives u something to relate to, and you don't feel like such a broken loser.
You tell me to smile, ...you tell me I'm too negative, you tell me it was only 3 weeks, ...well it was your fault i glued myself to your covers, i'm "amazing" I "deserve this", I "always look beautiful" You've been "praying" for someone to come along in your life and you know i am her? well thanks for the pretty words, and thanks for not making the effort. Gosh, i've never obeying so well only to be told that all my hard work was worthless because you've decided i'm not worth "dealing with" christ if i get the wording wrong i know you're gonna throw it in my face. You can pick at me, make jokes at me but the moment i'm silly about anything in your life i'm wrong, and then i'm kicked out and you get to be as fucking negative as you feel like being. I'm pissed and sad, and hopefull all at the same time. I've got to stop giving it up, no matter how good it feels, it just leaves my head and my heart in an empty hole. God the people around me can suck so incredibly bad, its funny that they never notice it. i'm not the only one with shit do deal with, and i'm not even allowed to broadcast it. it was foolish to ever get involved with you, truly...I feel like a complete and utter idiot. I wish i could take it all back, why do i build such an attraction to guys that normal aren't even close to my type. why am i still drooling over tj, oh yes because he's a god, ...he didn't even fuck with me, we said straight up, we both want this, lets have it. i didn't expect or want to have anything more and now i'm just sad that he;s at such a distance that i can't have him as my close friend. well i'm crawling back in my hole now...thanks for misjudging me like the rest of my generation.

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of which has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that


So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]


Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
A Toast to the Class of 2005:

Raise your glass to the sky
with hopes and dreams held high.
To the graduates I toast...

Here's to the friends we've lost and gained,
and to the people will never know by name.
To the bonds that we've made and albums we've filled,
memories that may fade but never be killed.

Here's to the phone calls filled with tears,
and to the hours spent talking away our fears.
To the people we thought deserved our hearts,
whom now we bash and rip apart.

Here's to the pictures in frames with stories to say,
that we will be sure to pack when we go away.
To the football games we have watched beneath the lights,
and our cheers and chants drifting into the night.

Here's to prom and dances,
and high school romances.
To homecoming games,
with all the wins in our name.

Here's to late nights we've spent cramming for tests,
and mornings where coffee made up for our rest.
To the dances and events we took months to create,
the night before worries that came too late.

Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry,
to the people and places we say goodbye.
To the wild and bizarre things we've done,
that we will remember to be the most fun.

Here's to the letters we left unsigned,
may our identities be revealed all in due time.
To the relationships we wonder how we ever lived without,
and the crushes we look back on and laugh about.

So now it is time to place our glasses down,
put our caps on and turn our tassels around.
Listen for our names and let them echo through,
and realize how these four years just flew.

Yesterday i graduated, I can't believe i finally finished high school. Now that its over it almost feels like it flew by. I'm gonna miss all those crazy kids soo much. My senior class was truly unforgetable, we were the rebels the trouble makes, the class with the highest failing rate they seen in sometime. ahh i'm done being sappy. in fact i haven't really cried about it yet.   I felt sexy at commencements, We didn't really get any pictures though. I was also really excited to see Jason. I miss my older brother all the time and today buddy is playing in the yard while they set up all the canopys. CUTEST FRICKIN DOG EVER!

ahh i'm so excited for next year, this summer is going to be a blast. I must go buy ballons for the open party now, peace

» (No Subject)
omg someone is trying to break in
right now
i can hear it all throughout the house
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